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This article tells my story of struggling with the fear of motherhood, first pregnancy, and the unexpected pregnancy journey including challenges like polycystic ovarian syndrome and marginal cord insertion, a high-risk condition. From experiencing painful contractions to driving amidst a snowstorm behind the wheel, the journey became increasingly challenging. Despite enduring a painful labor, I experienced the divine joy of giving birth and the overwhelming love of holding my baby for the first time. My heartfelt post captures the bittersweet essence of motherhood.

THE BIG TEST: I never thought I’d be a fan of having kids. In fact, the idea of having my own child scared me. Sure, I love animals and have strong instincts to care for them, but when it came to babies, I wasn’t so sure. After getting married, though, I started feeling that someday I might want to be a mom, despite the initial fear.

5 months pregnant, and somehow managed to pull off a pregnancy photoshoot all by myself!

Excited to share the behind-the-scenes and the story in my next blog. Stay tuned! #DIYMaternityShoot #BumpBeauty #maternityphotoshoot #pregnancyjourney

One day, I realized my period was late, which was quite common for me due to my polycystic ovarian syndrome. I took a pregnancy test, not expecting much, but to my surprise, it was positive. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I thought maybe the test was old, but after taking it again, it was clear I was pregnant. The reality hit me, and I started crying. It was overwhelming.

PREGNANCY: Then came the pregnancy symptoms—nausea, heartburn, and a heightened sense of smell. Living in the U.S. without family support made it tough for my husband and me. The first three months were like a nightmare, and I didn’t enjoy a single day of being pregnant.

As I entered the second trimester, things got better. My energy returned, and I felt a real connection with the baby. It’s okay if you don’t feel that connection right away; it takes time for many of us. At 17 weeks, I felt the baby kicks, and it was a feeling of pure love and joy. However, a scan later revealed a condition called marginal cord insertion, making my pregnancy high-risk. Marginal cord insertion is an abnormal type of umbilical cord attachment during pregnancy. Instead of inserting in the center of the placenta, the umbilical cord attaches at the margins. There are various side effects of this condition which can affect the health of the child. Regular scans became a routine to check the baby’s growth and health. My husband and I kept it a secret, mostly because it was difficult enough for both of us to deal with it all alone in a new country. We didn’t want to face those many and difficult conversations that would come up if we shared it with family or friends. With every scan, we kept hoping that everything is going to be alright. And it did. Despite the challenges, the baby was thriving, bringing us relief and happiness.

LABOR: In the last month, I faced irregular contractions and couldn’t walk or sit. On my birthday, all my friends gathered at home to celebrate and perform the traditional Godbharai ceremony. However, I couldn’t walk or sit comfortably due to the intense irregular contractions I was experiencing.

Celebrating my birthday and Godhbharai ceremony 3 days before the labor.

After two days I had my 37th week doctor appointment. The anticipation grew as my doctor checked and found I was already 2 cm dilated. She predicted the baby would arrive sooner than expected. Returning home, every day became a waiting game for signs of labor. On November 17, 2022, my husband expressed hope that the big snowstorm outside wouldn’t be the day. Hours later, while watching TV, I heard a pop from below my stomach, and I shared it with my husband, thinking it was the baby kicking(which was actually a sound of water break). As we went to bed, my water broke—a sudden gush like someone had turned on a tap.

Many moms can relate to that moment when we think, ‘Oh! This could be the last time I take a picture of my bump.’ This was one of those moments in my last month of pregnancy.

Cherishing the journey and embracing the anticipation! #BumpChronicles #CountingDownTheDays

Amidst the snowstorm, we rushed to the hospital, where I was admitted. Enduring three painful hours of contractions, I requested an epidural for relief and fell asleep. Waking up at 8:30 in the morning, my doctor checked and found me fully dilated at 10 cm. It was time to push. Describing the pain and strength required for a mother to push a baby is beyond words. Despite the epidural, I still felt pain on my left side which helped me to guide my doctor through contractions and pushing.

With my husband by my side, I experienced a unique blend of weakness and power. The birth itself felt nothing short of divine. After an intense 2.5 hours of pushing, my baby entered the world, screaming through the snow storm.

HOLDING MY SON FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER: If you’ve been a mother, you understand the indescribable feeling. There’s truly nothing like the first glimpse of your baby’s face. I remember that day as if it happened yesterday. My baby was crying on top of his tiny lungs, but the moment the doctor placed him skin-to-skin with me, he stopped crying. A serene silence filled the room, and in that moment, I felt a mother-son bond that transcends this world. The quiet was shattered by my joyous cry as I held my baby close, tears streaming down my face. All the emotions were overwhelming, and my body felt free and relieved from the weight of the baby and placenta. The heartburn that I had for 9 months was gone in seconds.

As I basked in the joy of motherhood, I realized my doctor was stitching me down there due to a fourth-degree tear from the normal delivery. Surprisingly, the pain from pushing was so intense that I didn’t even notice when the stitches were being done. I felt minimal pain during that process. Having my baby in my arms made everything worthwhile.

Capturing the precious moment of our baby boy in his first set of clothes, all ready to go home! #NewBeginnings #GoingHome

This is my bittersweet pregnancy and birth story. If you’d like to share your own, please comment below. I would love to hear from you fellow moms. This momma needs more moms in her corner!